Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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