my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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