My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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