What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
