Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
