She is in my trunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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