he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
