So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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