I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
