I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
