No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
