Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
