...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
