i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my poor anus
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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