All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
