I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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