I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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