Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
