AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
love makes seman taste better
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
