Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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