between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
