While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
