So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
