I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
