The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
