chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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