There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
