so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
