Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
