I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
