Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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