did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
