I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
