In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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