When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your dad touched me again.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
