sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
