last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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