Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
