So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
