Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
