3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize