my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
