i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
