is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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