I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
