I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize