you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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