Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
