Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
