They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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