I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
