i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
