Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
