I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
