Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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