Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it because I queefed?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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