my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
