nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
