Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
