I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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