There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
