so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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