all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
