did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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