Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
