$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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