Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
