you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
